Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball - Review

Added September 29th, 2008 by Karmum

This game is based on the popular “Pirates versus Ninjas” internet meme. Things that are humorous and entertaining on the internet don’t always transition well elsewhere. Due to this, I wasn’t expecting much from “Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball.”  I hoped by starting with low expectations that I would manage to come out satisfied and pleased. However, the end result was with me acquiring a headache and pondering on how the developers went absolutely wrong.

This is not your normal game of dodgeball, mainly because of the crazy antics and ridiculous over the top shots and jumps. However, it still has a normal “dodgeball” feel playing like a standard dodgeball game. You control your character (pirate, ninja, robot, or zombie), with the left stick. Depending on the character you use, speed and actions will differentiate. For example, the ninja will run towards a ball faster than a zombie. By tapping the left stick, you will initiate motion (for instance, the zombie will lunge towards the desired location, covering ground more quickly).

When an opponent throws a ball at you (assuming it isn’t a “power shot”), you can punch the ball back or catch it. If you time it right and hit X, the ball will return to your opponent, and possibly hit him causing damage. If you catch it, you will be credited some health. Power shots are impossible to catch or swat away, but are easy to dodge by simply running away. However, if you do manage to get hit by one of these shots, it will be more devastating than your standard hit.

There are a few types of dodgeball modes.  One is Standard Dodgeball, which plays exactly how a normal dodgeball game would (aside from the obvious). Another mode is Combat Dodgeball, which gives you free access to the whole map, without any limitations. The final mode is Enhanced Dodgeball. This is similar to the standard dodgeball mode. However in contrast from not being able to cross the line in Standard Dodgeball, you are allowed 3 seconds to be on the other side of the line before you are automatically brought back.

Now that we’ve gotten through the gameplay portions, it’s time to dig into what the game actually looks like. It is an acceptable looking XBLA game, which is one of the few aspects of the game that is actually done well. The whole game is in 3D and all of the character models look satisfactory. It is easy to distinguish each character from the rest and gives you the sense there is an actual battle going on between Pirates and Ninjas (aside from the fact it is dodgeball).

With the graphics appearing to be the only good thing in this game, you’d hope the sound in the game could produce at least a mediocre result. Unfortunately, you are going to be disappointed. It is painstakingly annoying to listen to. It appears to be a cheesy techno rendition throughout the whole game and does not work well. The Main Menu music will make you want to slam your head into the wall.

Aside from Exhibition mode, there is a Story Mode. This is probably the worst mode in the whole game, as you will quickly discover, simply because it is tiny and extremely repetitive.  To give you a brief summary of what you have to do: pick one class; start off in 2 on 2 battles; fight each of the other 3 classes and you’re done. There is an introduction of a new character and then you begin 3 on 3 battles.  Rinse and repeat.  The most annoying struggle will be 4 on 4, or “Hard” battles. One of the biggest problems of this game is the inconsistent AI. Most of the time you will be playing in absolutely moonstruck matches and feel as if there’s no way to complete them. It appears your teammates are brain-dead when it comes to playing in hard mode, and no matter how hard you try, you will be boxed in and ultimately killed. Once you manage to acquire a win in this mode, you will want to restrain yourself from destroying your Xbox due to the sheer and unnecessary difficulty in this game.

In the story mode, there is some dialogue. It isn’t voiced; text boxes appear before and after matches. To be honest, you will be so frustrated with how boring the game is and the repetition involved that you will have no actual interest in reading what these characters have to say. The dialogue is meaningless and isn’t relevant to the battles. I’m contemplating whether or not it is solely there to hold you off from your next eventual battle.

The final mode is the multiplayer mode.  It is your standard online mode -- Local Match, Ranked Match, Player, or Private Match. You won’t have that much fun because the gameplay is so bland. Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball also has the option to view your friend’s progression online or random strangers online with the inclusion of leaderboards.

For the little enjoyment being offered and problems that are present, a 800 Microsoft point purchase just cannot be justified. There are too many negatives and scarce positives to be found. The idea of Pirates vs. Ninjas should have stayed where it was ... on the internet. You would have more fun rounding up a group of friends to play some actual dodgeball.